Leaf through the stylish pages of home designs in Southern Living, House Beautiful, or even a Pottery Barn catalog and you know what you won’t find? Small children. Oh sure Pottery Barn has its own kids division, but I’m pretty sure it’s designed for children that are made out of pottery. That’s the most likely explanation their children’s rooms are neater than a museum--there is no actual Katie living in the “Lavender Katie” bedroom. At the pbkids website you can browse an immaculately coordinated and absolutely pristine bedroom design called “Happy Critters.” How could the critters possibly be happy when they’re apparently not allowed to touch anything in the room?
In the household battle of order vs. chaos, the toddler lobby has a long standing and loyal allegiance to the latter. Their entropic efforts make interior design a luxury most families can’t afford. Even the best feng shui-ers would have a hard time designing a house with children. My son doesn’t care that a grouping of three candles on an end table creates interesting visual tension. He seems more interested in candle throwing that creates parental tension headaches. So anything breakable, shiny, throw-able, or vaguely interesting has moved to a higher counter where it’s safe...for now.
So there’s no more potpourri or fake fruit adding splashes of color to our living room. There are, however, sippy cups adding splashes of milk to our couches. But beyond the removal of these accents, we’ve also added various safety devises. Bulky plastic gates divide up the house, every cabinet is guarded with a obtrusive locking mechanism, and every possible right angle has been bubble wrapped in a foam cocoon. OK, so we haven’t gone that far, but the point remains that “baby proofing” and “interior design” aren’t uttered in the same sentence. You can’t walk into Restoration Hardware and find a bronze plated toilet guard or designer plugs for your electrical outlets. You can find a handful of professional “baby-proofers” in your area, but I bet none are certified interior designers.
Perhaps there’s a unserviced market here that’s ripe for a new business enterprise. Even in this economy, I’ll venture there’s a population of parents that would be seduced by more prestigious forms of baby safety. The voice spot would read, “You protected them from danger, now protect your house from the danger of bad taste.”
Ultimately, your home and home decor are reflections of who you are. Jenni and I are new parents and every square inch of our house screams that. Instead of fighting it, I will embrace the fact that our living room looks like it was designed by Fisher Price. As a testament to fatherhood, I will cherish the green crayon scribbled on the floor, especially it that means I don’t have to clean it up.
