Looking at my four month old son, I note how the world has changed since I was his age. The Internet allows for anything at the push of the button. Cars now can tell you where to go. Yes, the world is seemingly a more complex and technological place. Scientific innovation continues to make every item in our every day life more effective. If I had to name one devise that symbolizes this evolution, I would have to say, “the high chair.”
A high chair, as the name implies, is for providing height. As I began assembling Ryan’s new high chair, it was obvious that along with providing elevation, this piece of furniture had many other fine features. There were rattles and toys and colorful buttons to be pushed. Clearly NASA has had a hand in the design of this chair. I should have known that this was more than an ordinary chair by just looking at the box. It didn’t say just “high chair.” This was the Healthy Care, Aquarium High Chair 3000-A-Gogo. Bluetooth enabled and featuring the OnStar Satellite System, Ryan can even wirelessly connect his laptop even though he doesn’t have the motor skills to get Cheerios inside his mouth.
Of course I’m exaggerating, but Ryan’s high chair does play six different songs and boasts automated bubbles and fish. To provide historical perspective, I examined a photo of my first birthday. Sitting in a high chair, enjoying my clown cake, I seem perfectly content. My high chair was nothing more than a simple metal frame with a padded seat and shiny eating surface. I wonder, “What were the consequences of not having a series of entertaining, distracting sights and sounds?” Oh, I don’t know...maybe more efficient eating. I’m sure Ryan will have no problem focusing on his strained carrots while baby Cirque Du Soleil is whirling around him.
And of course...it requires batteries. Sometime after I was born, Congress passed legislation so that everything involving babies must require batteries. (No doubt legislation sponsored by the Coppertop Lobby.) Seriously, why does the lawn mower popcorn maker that brought me so much toddler joy now require lights and music? I sense a Fisher Price/Engerizer conspiracy. If Pampers gets tied up in this cartel, all babies will have diapers with turn signals. Sure you’re laughing now, but who ever thought sneakers needed wheels?
